Amphibious » Commentary

Public Signage, Part 2: Danger!

admin — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 00:09:21 +0000

My last overseas adventure took me to London, England, then south to Cornwall, then finally a short hop across the channel to Amsterdam before returning home. While I did indeed see and experience many lovely and interesting things, one of the most amusing was this sign:

It seems to warn unwary passers by of a mysterious and pointy downward force known as “DEATH”. Now, as far as I’m aware, this DEATH thing can take many different forms, but apparently the most ubiquitous and sinister form in this area of London resembles a reflected “N”. I have no idea why. Of course, this leads me to imagine other similar dangers, although possibly not quite as dire, but nonetheless dangers to be on the lookout for, such as:

Corporate Dangers

Disco Dangers

And, of course, Dangers of the UNKNOWN

Public Signage: Speed Bumps

admin — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 16:10:55 +0000

Whenever I travel, whether to different states or entirely different countries, one of my favorite things to do is look at road signs. Public service signage in general is sort of fascinating to me, as it’s meant to be universally understandable, a true “lowest common denominator” form of communication. Also, it can often be quite funny.

My favorite road sign that I came across while in Nicaragua was one that was meant to warn the driver of an upcoming speed bump. (Speed bumps are ubiquitous in Nicaragua; I’m guessing that without them, folks would be barreling down city streets as fast as possible, running down pedestrians, bicyclists and ox-carts willy-nilly, Grand Theft Auto style.) This is what the sign looked like:

This sign amuses me to no end, but I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the size ratio of the bump compared to the car, or the angle that the car is put at in order to get over said bump, or even that it has to be illustrated at all, instead of just the word “BUMP” like you’d see in the states. But mostly it makes me think of the potential versions of the sign that didn’t make the cut, or what I like to think of as “How Not to Go Over a Speed Bump”:

DO NOT attempt summersault

DO NOT attempt headstand

DO NOT use as a “Sweet Jump”

NO low-riders (thanks, Sloan!)

That guy really knows how to use those word thingies.

admin — Mon, 01 May 2006 16:06:16 +0000

My friend Sloan is a great writer. But if you are reading me, then you’ve probably already read him, so it’s likely that you know this. I was just reading his latest post, and the bit about his first marriage resonated with me. Hard. My ears are still ringing. I emerged from my own personal early “marriage” in a similar fashion, slimmer and healthier than I had been, and extremely bewildered, trying to figure out what had just happened. Not to mention, what had been happening for the previous 10 years of my life. Skipping your twenties by marrying early is a strange way to go. I don’t necessarily recommend it, but I don’t necessarily recommend against it either. Obviously, I still haven’t reconciled all of my feelings about that particular life path.

I remember going to my best friend’s wedding two summers ago and experiencing a certain amount of smugness that I didn’t quite enjoy, as it was a result of the fact that I’d already been through my first long-term relationship, so ostensibly I knew what he was in for. Which was wrong, of course. Every relationship is different. But the smugness was still there, lingering on like stale cigarette smoke on a wool jacket. I’d had a similar experience just a week before during his bachelor’s party. It was the time of night when we are all supposed to take turns giving him advice on how to make his marriage last. I realized that I had nothing good to tell him, which made me very sad, and frustrated, because I really wanted to be encouraging and supportive. I’m glad that my cynicism about these things has long since subsided, especially since I am now well into the early stages of my next “big thing”, hoping very much that I’ve learned something from the last one. I’m excited for the future, and feel very lucky that I’ve been able to connect with this wonderful woman with whom I’m hoping to share it.

Meetings are the devil’s work

admin — Mon, 04 Apr 2005 20:14:15 +0000

I was reminded of the pure, unadulterated joy and inspiration of this website after a friend of mine emailed to me a selection of images taken from the posters section. There are truths here. I think the poster pictured above is my favorite. Even though I am self-employed and therefore not subject to the purgatory that is the afternoon strategy meeting, the very idea of such things still gives me the willies. I can barely even stomach conference calls with long-distance clients. They always seem to involve a lot of me sitting and listening while other people on the various other ends of the lines talk around in circles (and sometimes, maddeningly, ovals), and I occasionally get to interject with a “yes, I think I can do that” or “no, that’s not really a viable option” or “actually, even if I WERE able to completely ignore all known ideas of time and space, I still don’t think it would be within my means to accomplish what you are suggesting”. After experiencing one of these phone calls, I often feel as if I’ve been shammed out of 30 minutes of my life, which of course leads to thoughts of the best ways to get a refund of the time lost. But of course I can’t go into those here, because I know that Homeland Security is watching.

In other news, I simply cannot stress enough that you should be reading Overcompensating. The April 4th strip is particularly full of genius. Jeffrey Rowland is so funny that it’s scary.

Text Poops

admin — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 23:49:02 +0000

I was looking around on the Inter Nets yesterday, trying for some reason to find synonyms for the word “message”. I discovered that one synonym for “message” is the word “poop”. So I’ve decided that from now on, instead of sending people text messages, I will be sending them text poops, the thought of which makes me giggle uncontrollably.

Apparently I am still in the 5th grade.