special k: i don’t know that you have ever been upset about anything regarding me. or the least bit bothered.
z: not so much, no. i’m not easy to upset, but i think you know that by now.
special k: oh. yes. not that I have given you a whole lot of reasons to test that.
z: true, i’m trying to think up a potential reason for me to be really upset at you.
z: you could start stealing money from me to support your crack addiction.
z: of course you’d have to have a crack addiction for that to work.
z: but that would probably upset me.
special k: which part, the stealing or the addiction?
z: either. or both. maybe you could just say it was for crack, and then actually spend it on feeding the homeless or something.
special k: now there’s an idea!
z: then you could tell me later after i found out and subsequently yelled at you, and then i’d feel hella guilty.
special k: yeah, but i was still stealing money from you!
z: yeah, i guess i’d have to feel torn up about it, really.
z: i mean, here you are, stealing money from me. that’s fucked up, right?
special k: totally!
z: but then you turn around and give it to the homeless, because you know that i’m a total bastard and would never give money to the homeless, even though i have tons and tons of extra cash laying around to give to charities and such.
z: god, i’m such an asshole.
special k: I’m trying to imagine what it would be like if you yelled at me. how would that go?
z: yelling at you… it would go something like:
z: Me: Godamnit Krissy!! what the fuck! Why are you stealing from me?!
z: You: I’m sorry.
z: Me: Oh, well, it’s ok i guess.
z: Me: (sternly) Just don’t let it happen again.
z: You: Ok, i swear i won’t!!!
z: Me: Ok. i forgive you.
special k: wow. that was hard to hear.
z: then we hug, and you pick my pockets and take off with my wallet, snickering uncontrollably.
special k: maybe i should actually try it and see if that is how it plays off.
z: it could be entertaining.
z: but now that we’ve been through it already, i’d totally know what was going on.
special k: i’m not so sure you would.
z: no, really! i’d find out and be all like “krissyyyyy?!?” while giving you one of those smirking nudge, nudge, wink, wink “you are in big trouble once Ward gets home, mister” kind of looks.
z: and i’d say, knowingly, “are you stealing money from me to support your (air quotes) ‘crack habit’ again?”
z: yeah. that would be sweet.