A photo posted by Zach Selland (@zselland) on

Hard Boiled

How did I grow up in a family of cooks and never learn how to properly hard-boil an egg?

This is a recording of a voicemail that I received this morning. She seems to be hocking credit card processing services, but in the middle of her spiel… something comes up, so to speak.

Do you accept?

My last overseas adventure took me to London, England, then south to Cornwall, then finally a short hop across the channel to Amsterdam before returning home. While I did indeed see and experience many lovely and interesting things, one of the most amusing was this sign:

It seems to warn unwary passers by of a mysterious and pointy downward force known as “DEATH”. Now, as far as I’m aware, this DEATH thing can take many different forms, but apparently the most ubiquitous and sinister form in this area of London resembles a reflected “N”. I have no idea why. Of course, this leads me to imagine other similar dangers, although possibly not quite as dire, but nonetheless dangers to be on the lookout for, such as:

Corporate Dangers

Disco Dangers

And, of course, Dangers of the UNKNOWN

Whenever I travel, whether to different states or entirely different countries, one of my favorite things to do is look at road signs. Public service signage in general is sort of fascinating to me, as it’s meant to be universally understandable, a true “lowest common denominator” form of communication. Also, it can often be quite funny.

My favorite road sign that I came across while in Nicaragua was one that was meant to warn the driver of an upcoming speed bump. (Speed bumps are ubiquitous in Nicaragua; I’m guessing that without them, folks would be barreling down city streets as fast as possible, running down pedestrians, bicyclists and ox-carts willy-nilly, Grand Theft Auto style.) This is what the sign looked like:

This sign amuses me to no end, but I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the size ratio of the bump compared to the car, or the angle that the car is put at in order to get over said bump, or even that it has to be illustrated at all, instead of just the word “BUMP” like you’d see in the states. But mostly it makes me think of the potential versions of the sign that didn’t make the cut, or what I like to think of as “How Not to Go Over a Speed Bump”:

DO NOT attempt summersault

DO NOT attempt headstand

DO NOT use as a “Sweet Jump”

NO low-riders (thanks, Sloan!)